BOOK REVIEW: That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam

I have rarely read a book that more completely and accurately captures the sometimes monotonous feelings of motherhood while also capturing the fierce protectiveness of motherhood, the tension between one's responsibility to their family versus to their career, and so on. That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam captured it all for me. Additionally, the book is set in the 1980s and 90s -- basically my childhood through my early 20s.

I loved That Kind of Mother, but I'm glad I didn't read it when my son was young and I was in the thick of new motherhood -- I think it might have been too real, too accurate. Alam doesn't portray motherhood as overly negative or messy or anything bad, but he does present us with a mother who, while loving her children fiercely, is also a bit stuck. She fixates on Princess Diana and returns to thoughts of Diana throughout the novel when she feels unable to move on in life or when life is just dragging on and on without anything really interesting happening to her. She channels Diana when she feels the need to be strong or elegant, but relates to Diana when she feels trapped in her own life. Yet, our protagonist, Rebecca, also manages to eventually reach for and achieve her goals in life.

Rebecca is not the most likable of characters. At times she is selfish, ignorant, sheltered. She has no idea what life is like for many of those who are on the periphery of her own life. But, she also allows herself to be confronted with her own flaws and she attempts to learn from such confrontations -- not always fully successfully and not always without stepping into a bigger mess first.

I actually found that I liked Rebecca more because of her un-likableness -- she felt more real and well rounded because of her flaws.

Rebecca struggles to breastfeed after her son's birth, but is met in the hospital by Priscilla, a lactation consultant who gently helps -- if I'd had a Priscilla in my life, I'm sure my own breastfeeding experience would have been much different (it was awful). After returning home post-delivery, Rebecca still finds herself struggling and returns to the hospital in order to seek out Priscilla and help. 

Rebecca feels both overwhelming love and protectiveness for her son, as well as irritation and frustration. But, as parents, don't we all feel both at times? Priscilla helps Rebecca navigate through her complex feelings while also encouraging and supporting Rebecca in her career pursuits as a writer after Rebecca hires Priscilla as a nanny. Ultimately, they form a very tight relationship, but not necessarily with the support of Rebecca's husband. 

All seems to be going well when Priscilla becomes pregnant herself and unexpectedly passes away. Rebecca, by now familiar with Priscilla's adult daughter, ends up taking in Priscilla's newborn son. 

But, I didn't mention...

Rebecca, her husband, and their child are white. Priscilla and her son are Black.

Rebecca loves this little boy and new addition to her family just as much as the son she gave birth to. She dotes on them both and supports both, but as the two boys grow and get older, society begins to treat them differently. Society treats her differently -- the white mother of a Black boy? 

Ultimately, this is a novel about motherhood with an undercurrent of a story about race. I suppose a non-mother or non-parent might see it as the opposite -- a story about race with an undercurrent of a story about motherhood. That would not be wrong. It is also a story about adoption and what it means to be a family. And, it is a story about being a woman, separate from the role of mother. 

We all bring ourselves to what we read, and I read this as a story of motherhood and womanhood first. I also read it as a story of adoption. I am a mother. I am adopted. 

Race is brought up several times throughout the novel -- when Rebecca meets other mothers or has a parent-teacher conference, when her adopted son's biological family has concerns about "the talk" about being Black in America, and so on. These issues are dealt with carefully and sensitively, as are the issues around adoption.

That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam is a great novel with chapters short enough that a busy parent could easily read a chapter, put it down to attend to a child or dinner or whatever else, then come back to it later in the day without getting lost. The writing is clear and focused and you are carried along in Rebecca's story of motherhood and autonomy as a woman as she grows as in both roles over the years, ultimately stepping fully into herself in both roles. 

You can buy That Kind of Mother by Rumaan Alam on Amazon HERE or on Bookshop HERE.