BOOK REVIEW: Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Know My Name by Chanel Miller was by far the best book I read in 2020 (followed closely by Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi). Miller's book is a memoir about her experience as a sexual assault survivor, including the attack, the court case that followed, and rebuilding her life after physical, emotional, and mental trauma. 

I particularly enjoyed Miller's ability to weave memories of earlier times in her life into her telling of what happened to her. She is a master story teller, even when it comes to the awful, most horrifying bits. Miller's memoir is filled with both vulnerability and strength. At times I found myself openly weeping and crying while at other times I cheered and smiled large at her ability to find joy amid the depths of despair. 

After being attacked by Brock Turner on the Stanford University campus in 2015, Miller sunk into a deep depression that was only made worse through the madness of the criminal justice system. Instead, however, she fought her way back to herself and rebuilt her life. It is clear from her memoir though, that this also entailed dealing with long lasting trauma that may follow her and inform her choices and thoughts and overall being for the rest of her life. She chose over and over to not give in. She chose over and over to experience life and explore her interests. That's not to say it was easy and that's not to say she didn't go through periods where she did want to give up, where she did succumb to her fears and dark thoughts. But, she always climbed back out of the depths. 

Included in the memoir is Miller's victim impact statement which is a masterpiece that no one should ever have to write. It is a masterclass in how not to rape, how not to assault, how not to behave, how not to treat others. 

Miller's assault was not that long ago, but I am sure it will have a lasting ripple effect on her life, the lives of her sister and parents, on her friends, and others. I'm sure the intensity has and will continue to dial down over time, but the assault and all that came with it will always still be there, like a little grain of something in their shoes that they forgot about for the longest time. Then it shifts, and they feel it with every step until they try to remove it, but can't find it. It shifts again and they move on and don't feel it -- even forget about it again until, one day, there it is yet again. 

Every now and then Miller's attacker comes up in the news and do not feel a single bit sorry for him when the news is related to him having a hard time in life. He brought that upon himself. 

Rather than rewrite things I've already written, the rest of this post is primarily from comments I made in a small book group myself and three good friends read Know My Name. I've only edited a little bit for clarity and length. 

This was such a hard book to read, but I'm so glad that I did! I'm so glad I bought it instead of getting it from the library. I'll read it again, but not anytime soon. I know I'll recommend it to many people in years to come too. 

I'm struck by similarities with the Netflix short series "Unbelievable" which is excellent and based on real rape cases near Seattle and in Colorado. In both Miller's book and the Netflix show, there seems to be a clear division in the way men handled and treated victims compared to how women responded. There are some women who will take the "what were you wearing/doing/drinking" or "you should have kept your legs closed" stance and also some women who get embarrassed or don't want to to be involved in such intimate invasions, but I see it far more in men both in media and in life. It's unfortunate since men can be excellent allies -- and they aren't exempt from being victims as well. 

Women are constantly held to double standards from birth and both Miller's book and "Unbelievable" highlight that fact. As I was finishing Know My Name, I also was reading the poetry collection Wild Embers by Nikita Gill which was the perfect compliment to Miller's memoir. The poems feature themes about the double standards women are held to, about boys and men being given a pass for bad behavior because of the idea that "boys will boys", and how women are forced into the defensive position when we deserve to stand strong and not to be subjected to abuse. 

I loved Miller's book (and "Unbelievable" and Wild Embers), but it provokes a strong emotional response as a reader and was difficult, at times, as a result. I was struck by Miller's ability to create vivid images and to craft metaphors while mining the depths of her memories and lived experiences to create context, emotions, and so on.

I hope you'll consider reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller. I think about it regularly even though it's been months since I read it. 

You can buy a copy of Know My Name on Bookshop HERE.

Or find it on Amazon HERE. 

Or look for it at your local library. 

As of my writing this, "Unbelievable" is available on Netflix HERE.

You can find Wild Embers by Nikita Gill on Bookshop HERE.

Or on Amazon HERE.

Or try your local library.

Please note: links may be affiliate in nature. Making purchases through such links may result in a small commission to me at no cost to you. Thank you in advance. 

BOOK REVIEW: The Art of Frugal Hedonism by Annie Raser-Rowland and Adam Grubb

Several years ago, I tutored a teenaged boy who had a curious habit when it came to eating his after school snacks. This young guy, we'll call him Joe, would take the tiniest bites of his snacks and roll the bites around in his mouth with his eyes closed, chewing far more than necessary, and then swallow the bites. When I asked him about this little habit, he told me it was so that he could really enjoy what he was eating and that by closing his eyes, taking tiny bites, and holding the bites in his mouth while chewing and moving them around for longer than necessary, he created a fuller, much more enjoyable experience for himself. He said he was teaching himself to really enjoy and engage with what he consumed, and that in doing so he was also practicing self control and limiting portion sizes too. He was learning to recognize that great joy can be gained through small experiences and was saving himself many calories (he'd spent several years overweight and out of shape) and quite a lot of money (thanks to not over consuming).

What my student was doing falls under the title of frugal hedonism and today's book review is all about the concept.

Title: The Art of Frugal Hedonism -- a guide to spending less while enjoying everything more

Author: Annie Raser-Rowland and Adam Grubb

Publisher: Melliodora

Year published: 2016

ISBN: 9780994392817

Genre: non-fiction, lifestyle, frugalism, hedonism

Pairs well with freshly baked cookies, 

your favorite coffee or tea,

and your favorite reading chair.

I first read The Art of Frugal Hedonism by Annie Raser-Rowland and Adam Grubb when it was first published in 2016, and I greatly enjoyed revisiting this little treasure trove of tips, hints, and ideas for how to live better while spending less.

I haven't always been a frugalist or hedonist, but when I discovered that the two ideologies could co-exist, I was converted to both!

A frugal hedonist is a person who understands and takes pleasure in enjoying life to the fullest while also being fiscally conservative. Frugal hedonists aren't necessarily scouring the Goodwill for their next pair of jeans or dumpster diving for tonight's dinner, but they might if they see something that's high quality and worth the energy and effort. A frugal hedonist could just as likely be shopping at Goodwill or pulling a nightstand out of a dumpster as spending over $100 on a pair of shoes that they know are high quality and that have a lifetime guarantee and thus will last years rather than the short life span of a cheap pair of sneakers from the discount store. They understand that they have skills and knowledge that might be useful to their neighbor and vice versa and are happy to trade and barter. They understand that an experience is more valuable than an object. They understand that making small shifts here and there can bring significant improvements in their quality of life without making huge financial outlays.

And, Raser-Rowland and Grubb explore all of this and more in their book.

The Art of Frugal Hedonism is an easy read, thanks in large part to how it is organized with brief chapters ranging from one to five page and written in such a way that you could read the book straight through like any other book, or you could dip in here and there for a tip or pick me up or inspiration as you see fit. The writers both have great senses of humor as well, lending the book a friendly and upbeat tone that also adds to the immense readability. They don't use any fancy terminology and don't get bogged down in statistics and calculations to try to prove their points which I've seen in other books on the same topic. Instead, Raser-Rowland and Grubb keep things simple and easy to understand for the regular reader. 

As I noted, this was my second time reading The Art of Frugal Hedonism, but it probably won't be my last. Both times I've read it, I gleaned great tips and ideas and inspiration for my frugal hedonist journey. The first time I read the book, I was much more focused on the frugal aspects of my life journey. This time, I was much more focused on increasing the hedonistic aspects of life while staying committed to my frugalism. 

Raser-Rowland and Grubb make it clear that you don't have to give up all of your daily pleasures in order to pinch your pennies until they turn into diamonds, in fact, I think they'd be horrified if anyone came away with the impression that their book was simply about wealth building through extreme frugality! No, they greatly encourage significantly increasing your life enjoyment, but without sacrificing your financial stability -- in fact, you can significantly increase your joy in life while also increasing your financial stability. Doing so may require changing some habits and may be even more challenging amid things like the pandemic going on worldwide as I write this, but it can be done.

I urge you to start by baking some cookies or a nice quick bread as you sit down to read The Art of Frugal Hedonism. As you put together your cookies or bread, take pleasure in the act of measuring and mixing and shaping. Smell your ingredients and think about how lovely your home will smell once they are combined and baking in the oven. In the US, we are moving swiftly through fall so I also think about how cozy and warm my home will be during and after baking. I like to put on some soft music as I work in the kitchen, and I clean and put things away as I go -- done with the vanilla? Put the jar back in the cupboard and move on to my next ingredient, smelling or tasting things as I go or noting the various colors and textures. As the oven warms, I take a moment to be thankful for my apartment which I love so much. Once all the utensils and bowls are in the sink and my cookies are in the oven, I set the timer and grab my book for 15 minutes of reading joy while sitting in my favorite chair and sipping some lovely warm tea while I read. As I move further into the book, I close my eyes as the first hint of baking cookies starts to fill the air and I inhale deeply, thinking about how delicious the cookies will taste when they are done. And, with my first cookie, I eat it in tiny little bites, feeling and tasting and savoring each one.

That, my friends, is the peak of frugal hedonism for me! 

If your looking to up your life enjoyment while being more mindful of your financial situation, I urge you to consider reading The Art of Frugal Hedonism by Annie Raser-Rowland and Adam Grubb. This is one that I plan to read again and again, so although I read a library copy, I plan to buy a copy for myself.

You can get it from independent book sellers via Bookshop HERE.

Or, buy a copy from Amazon HERE.

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