BOOK REVIEW: Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Know My Name by Chanel Miller was by far the best book I read in 2020 (followed closely by Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi). Miller's book is a memoir about her experience as a sexual assault survivor, including the attack, the court case that followed, and rebuilding her life after physical, emotional, and mental trauma. 

I particularly enjoyed Miller's ability to weave memories of earlier times in her life into her telling of what happened to her. She is a master story teller, even when it comes to the awful, most horrifying bits. Miller's memoir is filled with both vulnerability and strength. At times I found myself openly weeping and crying while at other times I cheered and smiled large at her ability to find joy amid the depths of despair. 

After being attacked by Brock Turner on the Stanford University campus in 2015, Miller sunk into a deep depression that was only made worse through the madness of the criminal justice system. Instead, however, she fought her way back to herself and rebuilt her life. It is clear from her memoir though, that this also entailed dealing with long lasting trauma that may follow her and inform her choices and thoughts and overall being for the rest of her life. She chose over and over to not give in. She chose over and over to experience life and explore her interests. That's not to say it was easy and that's not to say she didn't go through periods where she did want to give up, where she did succumb to her fears and dark thoughts. But, she always climbed back out of the depths. 

Included in the memoir is Miller's victim impact statement which is a masterpiece that no one should ever have to write. It is a masterclass in how not to rape, how not to assault, how not to behave, how not to treat others. 

Miller's assault was not that long ago, but I am sure it will have a lasting ripple effect on her life, the lives of her sister and parents, on her friends, and others. I'm sure the intensity has and will continue to dial down over time, but the assault and all that came with it will always still be there, like a little grain of something in their shoes that they forgot about for the longest time. Then it shifts, and they feel it with every step until they try to remove it, but can't find it. It shifts again and they move on and don't feel it -- even forget about it again until, one day, there it is yet again. 

Every now and then Miller's attacker comes up in the news and do not feel a single bit sorry for him when the news is related to him having a hard time in life. He brought that upon himself. 

Rather than rewrite things I've already written, the rest of this post is primarily from comments I made in a small book group myself and three good friends read Know My Name. I've only edited a little bit for clarity and length. 

This was such a hard book to read, but I'm so glad that I did! I'm so glad I bought it instead of getting it from the library. I'll read it again, but not anytime soon. I know I'll recommend it to many people in years to come too. 

I'm struck by similarities with the Netflix short series "Unbelievable" which is excellent and based on real rape cases near Seattle and in Colorado. In both Miller's book and the Netflix show, there seems to be a clear division in the way men handled and treated victims compared to how women responded. There are some women who will take the "what were you wearing/doing/drinking" or "you should have kept your legs closed" stance and also some women who get embarrassed or don't want to to be involved in such intimate invasions, but I see it far more in men both in media and in life. It's unfortunate since men can be excellent allies -- and they aren't exempt from being victims as well. 

Women are constantly held to double standards from birth and both Miller's book and "Unbelievable" highlight that fact. As I was finishing Know My Name, I also was reading the poetry collection Wild Embers by Nikita Gill which was the perfect compliment to Miller's memoir. The poems feature themes about the double standards women are held to, about boys and men being given a pass for bad behavior because of the idea that "boys will boys", and how women are forced into the defensive position when we deserve to stand strong and not to be subjected to abuse. 

I loved Miller's book (and "Unbelievable" and Wild Embers), but it provokes a strong emotional response as a reader and was difficult, at times, as a result. I was struck by Miller's ability to create vivid images and to craft metaphors while mining the depths of her memories and lived experiences to create context, emotions, and so on.

I hope you'll consider reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller. I think about it regularly even though it's been months since I read it. 

You can buy a copy of Know My Name on Bookshop HERE.

Or find it on Amazon HERE. 

Or look for it at your local library. 

As of my writing this, "Unbelievable" is available on Netflix HERE.

You can find Wild Embers by Nikita Gill on Bookshop HERE.

Or on Amazon HERE.

Or try your local library.

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