BOOK REVIEW: Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Know My Name by Chanel Miller was by far the best book I read in 2020 (followed closely by Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi). Miller's book is a memoir about her experience as a sexual assault survivor, including the attack, the court case that followed, and rebuilding her life after physical, emotional, and mental trauma. 

I particularly enjoyed Miller's ability to weave memories of earlier times in her life into her telling of what happened to her. She is a master story teller, even when it comes to the awful, most horrifying bits. Miller's memoir is filled with both vulnerability and strength. At times I found myself openly weeping and crying while at other times I cheered and smiled large at her ability to find joy amid the depths of despair. 

After being attacked by Brock Turner on the Stanford University campus in 2015, Miller sunk into a deep depression that was only made worse through the madness of the criminal justice system. Instead, however, she fought her way back to herself and rebuilt her life. It is clear from her memoir though, that this also entailed dealing with long lasting trauma that may follow her and inform her choices and thoughts and overall being for the rest of her life. She chose over and over to not give in. She chose over and over to experience life and explore her interests. That's not to say it was easy and that's not to say she didn't go through periods where she did want to give up, where she did succumb to her fears and dark thoughts. But, she always climbed back out of the depths. 

Included in the memoir is Miller's victim impact statement which is a masterpiece that no one should ever have to write. It is a masterclass in how not to rape, how not to assault, how not to behave, how not to treat others. 

Miller's assault was not that long ago, but I am sure it will have a lasting ripple effect on her life, the lives of her sister and parents, on her friends, and others. I'm sure the intensity has and will continue to dial down over time, but the assault and all that came with it will always still be there, like a little grain of something in their shoes that they forgot about for the longest time. Then it shifts, and they feel it with every step until they try to remove it, but can't find it. It shifts again and they move on and don't feel it -- even forget about it again until, one day, there it is yet again. 

Every now and then Miller's attacker comes up in the news and do not feel a single bit sorry for him when the news is related to him having a hard time in life. He brought that upon himself. 

Rather than rewrite things I've already written, the rest of this post is primarily from comments I made in a small book group myself and three good friends read Know My Name. I've only edited a little bit for clarity and length. 

This was such a hard book to read, but I'm so glad that I did! I'm so glad I bought it instead of getting it from the library. I'll read it again, but not anytime soon. I know I'll recommend it to many people in years to come too. 

I'm struck by similarities with the Netflix short series "Unbelievable" which is excellent and based on real rape cases near Seattle and in Colorado. In both Miller's book and the Netflix show, there seems to be a clear division in the way men handled and treated victims compared to how women responded. There are some women who will take the "what were you wearing/doing/drinking" or "you should have kept your legs closed" stance and also some women who get embarrassed or don't want to to be involved in such intimate invasions, but I see it far more in men both in media and in life. It's unfortunate since men can be excellent allies -- and they aren't exempt from being victims as well. 

Women are constantly held to double standards from birth and both Miller's book and "Unbelievable" highlight that fact. As I was finishing Know My Name, I also was reading the poetry collection Wild Embers by Nikita Gill which was the perfect compliment to Miller's memoir. The poems feature themes about the double standards women are held to, about boys and men being given a pass for bad behavior because of the idea that "boys will boys", and how women are forced into the defensive position when we deserve to stand strong and not to be subjected to abuse. 

I loved Miller's book (and "Unbelievable" and Wild Embers), but it provokes a strong emotional response as a reader and was difficult, at times, as a result. I was struck by Miller's ability to create vivid images and to craft metaphors while mining the depths of her memories and lived experiences to create context, emotions, and so on.

I hope you'll consider reading Know My Name by Chanel Miller. I think about it regularly even though it's been months since I read it. 

You can buy a copy of Know My Name on Bookshop HERE.

Or find it on Amazon HERE. 

Or look for it at your local library. 

As of my writing this, "Unbelievable" is available on Netflix HERE.

You can find Wild Embers by Nikita Gill on Bookshop HERE.

Or on Amazon HERE.

Or try your local library.

Please note: links may be affiliate in nature. Making purchases through such links may result in a small commission to me at no cost to you. Thank you in advance. 

BOOK REVIEW: The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

In 2021, I'm participating in a children's literature reading challenge hosted by Mrs. Sarah Collier of Belle's Library and the Victorian Letter Writers Guild. 

Portions of this post also appear on my parenting blog: Mom2MomED

in a post called 7 Ways to Use The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn.

Read the full post HERE.

My inaugural book for the Children's Literature Challenge is The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn. My child (now an adult) and I first received this book as a gift from my mother several years ago when my kiddo was still quite young. 

On my parenting blog, I share 7 ways to use this book with your children (read the post HERE), but in this post, I am going to focus more on the book itself. I mean, look at these illustrations? The book is GORGEOUS!

My mom was a kindergarten teacher and bought many beautiful books for my child over the years, but The Kissing Hand is one that we returned to over and over. The story and premise are pretty simple but also familiar to pretty much every parent ever -- a child is scared and nervous about going to school for the first time and the parent tries to find a way to make it ok. In this case, mama racoon helps her child to overcome fear and anxiety by kissing the child's palm as a reminder that she's always there even if she's not physically present. 

The Kissing Hand was instrumental in helping my child and I adjust to the emotional turmoil that comes with going back and forth between divorced parents (read about my suggested books for divorce HERE). Although the book is the story of a child going to school for the first time, it easily is applied to any form of temporary separation between parent and child.

I loved reading through this book again and thinking about my mom -- she has dementia, but she still loves a kiss from one of her children or grandchildren -- and my child, now an adult. The story is lovely and the illustrations are beautiful. The animals, trees, and other aspects of nature are beautifully rendered throughout. 

Over the years, I've bought copies of The Kissing Hand for friends navigating divorce with young children and many have started their own kissing hand traditions to help their children navigate going back and forth between parents' homes.  

The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn and illustrated by Ruth E. Harper and Nancy M. Leak, is such a lovely and sweet book. I hope you'll pick up a copy for a child in your life.  

Grab a copy on Bookshop HERE.

Grab a copy from Amazon HERE.

Or, hit up your local library.

This post may include affiliate links ~*~ making a purchase through these links may result in a small commission to me at no cost to you. Thank you in advance. 

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin ~*~ Chapter 1: January

In my last post, I wrote about setting up my reading journal for 2021 and the books I planned to read in January. To be honest, I thought by January 9th, I'd have read a lot more than I actually have, but life gets in the way, right?

That said, it's not like I've done no reading at all. I've made much progress in two books not on my January 2021 plan but which I'd started previously and just hadn't finished yet -- The Chemistry of Tears by Peter Carey and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo. And, I added two books that aren't on my original January list: The Odyssey by Homer (Robert Fitzgerald translation) and Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger.

I'd started Crooked Kingdom quite some time ago and have been reading it in fits and starts -- I'm enjoying it, but I'm not so fully captivated that I feel compelled to read it quickly. The Chemistry of Tears was given to me by a friend on Christmas Eve and I do love it, but I've had competing interests and general life ups and downs to contend with.

Then, I suddenly had a surge in tutoring requests for literature and composition. Thus Catcher in the Rye and The Odyssey were suddenly on my list -- I always read books following my students' course reading schedules so that I can best advise them in their studies. Not only that, but I have another student starting The Odyssey this week (hopefully the same version as the first student, but we'll see!).

But, let's switch it up and talk about The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. 

I've read Rubin's book a couple of times and the new year seemed like the perfect time to start since the structure of the book follows the months of the year. The topic -- The Happiness Project -- should make it pretty obvious what the book is about: a project undertaken by Rubin to increase the amount of happiness in her life. Each month, she tackled a different theme or idea.

So, let's dig into January.

In the book, Rubin's themes for January are vitality and boosting energy. She also sets some specific goals for the month:

• Go to sleep earlier
• Exercise better/more
• Organize and declutter
• Take care of a nagging task
• Act more energetic

Rubin delves into the science behind why some of these can improve one's life, but she also talks about her own successes and failures in tackling each item on the list.

For myself, I'm a night owl and have a really hard time getting to bed at an hour that anyone might consider reasonable. My goal has been 3am for a long time, but I'm trying to be ASLEEP by 2am. With increasing requests for tutoring by students in several time zones, I find it helpful to go to sleep and wake up earlier. So far, I'm only doing so-so in this area. The only time it wasn't a struggle were all the years I worked night shift in hospitals.

As for exercising better and more, my kid and I have made it a point to get out and take regular walks -- usually four to five per week, weather permitting. We've been gradually increasing our distance and we both have noticed the benefits to our mental AND physical health. At some point, I'd really like to get back into bicycling and swimming, but the weather right now isn't my favorite for cycling and I'm waiting until Covid-19 is better under control before I head to a pool again.

When it comes to organizing and decluttering (Rubin's actual bullet point is "Toss, restore, organize"), I'm a natural, but Covid-19 and inheriting all of my uncle's stuff when he died, as well as all of his best friend's stuff (a story for another time), has overwhelmed me and resulted in tons of clutter and stuff to toss or restore or organize! Thankfully two friends are doing a lot of decluttering and organizing right now, so we've been able to hold each other accountable. We've all been getting a ton taken care of! With regard to the "restore" piece -- I've always checked our laundry as I sort it or fold it, and I pull out items that need repairs. Right now, I have two shirts with tiny holes that I'll repair (or restore). 

As for tackle a nagging task, well, January is pretty much the perfect time to start working on taxes, right? Yep, that's what I'm tackling. Ick... But, I know the sooner it's done, the happier I'll be!

And, acting more energetic...I'm naturally a low energy, shy, introvert (note: not all introverts are shy, but I am). As my tutoring student requests are rising and I'm taking on more students, I've found myself having to act more energetic, upbeat, and extroverted than I really am. All three of the students I've met with in the past week have commented on how upbeat and energetic I seem to be and how they like it! But, as a hardcore introvert with a shy streak, you can bet I need a few hours after each session to decompress!

I plan to come back every month to review my reading of that month's chapter in The Happiness Project and how it relates to my own life. Have you read it? What did you think? 

Grab a copy of The Happiness Project:

On Bookshop HERE.

On Amazon HERE.

Or at your local independent bookshop or library.

Learn more about my January 2021 reading list in THIS blog post or buy books from the list at Bookshop HERE.

And, if you or your child are in need of a literature or writing tutor (or both), you can find more information about my tutoring practice and offerings HERE.